Yesterday was a very relaxing day! I, together with Rech Leopardas, travelled all the way from Quezon City to Bulacan to attend the Thanksgiving Dinner of a colleague, Ace Nicanor. The trip was a quick one. But our fingers are much quicker clicking the button in the camera.

The whole travel took us thirty minutes (we were expecting at least an hour travel). We arrived in Guiguinto, Bulacan an hour before the call time. Knowing Ace, he wanted everything well-organized, he wanted everyone treated specially, at least on his celebration. That’s why, I and Rech decided to stay in one of the cafes of the town. The one we first spotted was the ever-famous Dunkin Donuts. We were there for an hour, literally killing the time. While eating my mid-day snack, I was actually engrossed in reading again Nicholas Sparks’s A Walk To Remember (I started flipping the pages a day before so I had no way of stopping it).

After an hour, we were fetched by a white car (was it white? uh-oh). Ace’s elder sister fetched us and drove us to the venue. Both I and Rech were ASTONISHED. Our jaws dropped when we reached the resort. All the while, we thought that Ace’s Thanksgiving Dinner will just be held in his family’s house. Oh well, this should much more exciting and fun, I thought.

Ace, as expected of him, was very accommodating not just to us, but to all of his guests (there were a minimum of 50 guests who graced the celebration). And it was not only true with Ace. All of his family treated us so well. In fact, as a souvenir, we posed for the picture (including Ace’s Dad and Mum).

Of course, how could we fail to forget to have a picture on Ace’s huuuge banner. This time, Debbie Lagdaan (she’s late!):

We thought of something special and memorable for Ace. We thought of having a small program while the band was having dinner. I was very honored that Ace asked me to host for it, impromptu as it was.

During our whole stay there, we roamed around the resort and took pictures. The place was so magnificent. Thanks to Ace for inviting us over. (Ace Nicanor graduated Cum Laude, BA Arts Studies in the College of Arts and Letters, UP Diliman).

Here are some of our pictures around the resort:

My Brother And I During PMMA's Valentine's Day

I had a memorable time today because I spent my Valentine’s Day with my brother. Although the travel going to San Narciso, Zambales from Manila is around 4-5 hours travel, it is worth all the time and effort and money! Well, I had to compromise because I am torn between two special gentlemen in my life. Good thing my significant other approved that we spend it in Zambales. We were late for the Silent Drill. We were lucky enough we caught up the Open House. At least, our stomaches were fed from a long travel!

A lot of things happened to me last week and early this week, I just couldn’t open a notepad and begin starting my blog. The irony here is i am in my desk for 9 hours (well, it really depends on me) with a PC on it, of course, and not being able to type a single word.

Last week was excusable. I had to “prepare” (whatever this word means) for my LAE (Law Aptitude Exam) (read: procrastination). But I never really did. It is so funny how I collected review materials and for all sake, wasn’t able to open (not even browse) them. Oh well, I just thought to myself, there is nothing really to review anyway. I mean, although you could actually enroll in a review center and take review classes (for law entrance exams), what you can basically get from these centers are just tips. And these tips, they won’t help you much. So it is really you and yourself who will do all the maneuvering. I mean, come on, you cannot really cram and “know everything” in just months. Not even a year, I think. As the word says, aptitude. Therefore, it is an exam to test what you know in your 20+ years of education. So, did I really prepare? I say, I just condition my mind. And just let it be.

How did the LAE go?
I found it hard, of course. The test was time-pressured and before I can “half-finish” it, I just learned from the proctors that I had already consumed all of my time for it. The test consisted of 7 sections. The first part — abstract reasoning — was easy. I was able to finish it on time. But finishing it on time did no good to me. After the first section, I felt relaxed in answering the second part — i think it was, logical reasoning — so I took all my time pretty well — deliberating each and every number, as if I had the luxury of time. But no! By doing such, I was just able to answer a third of it. And so, my intuition said I had to answer letter B to all the unsolved items. Haha. I can just imagine how it would go. And so the third part was just relative to the second, but this time, my wild guess was tuh-da! Letter C. … And then down to the seventh part..

The last section is the essay: My Idea of Law. In this part, we had only to write an essay about the given topic for 30 minutes (and not 30 minutes and 10 seconds). No extra sheet for the draft, haha, so i just drafted it in my head. Uh, I cannot really remember if I even drafted it. Haha again.
So what I’m saying here is really nonsensical. I just thought that among the thousands of up law students-wanna-be, the college will just get not even 10 per cent of it. Well I hope it will reach 5 per cent though. All the examinees, I believe were all smart people. The guts alone for taking LAE was already something. In terms of the aspirants’ grades (as college grades is one of the bases of admission), I believe everyone had an equal footage on this. Majority, if not all, had exceptional grades in college. So what’s the fuzz?

I say luck. This will be the third and final (and maybe the best) make-or-break, do-or-die factor for UP LAE qualifiers.

Oh well, if I had it? Luck? I don’t know. Only time will tell.

American Influences in the Philippine Theater .The first decade of American colonialism was marked by suppressed nationalism. As Filipinos look for escape to ease the feeling of being colonized by another country, the theater served as the most convenient outlet. This was the era of seditious and nationalist theater when playwrights and actors ran the risk of arrest and prosecution because of dramas such as Walang Sugat, Kahapon, Ngayon at Bukas, Hindi aco Patay, and Tanikalang Ginto by Juan Abad. Some of the zarzuelas written by Juan Abad, “Mabuhay ang Filipinas!” was staged at the National Theater on May 17, 1900; Mapanglaw na Pagkakaalaala,” at the Universal Theater that same year; “Manila-Olongapo,” the product of his imprisonment in Olongapo, and at the Zorrilla Theater in June 1901, “Bulaklak ng Smapaloc” and excited the minds of native theater-goers. Other early writers include Aurelio Tolentino, Pascual Poblete, Pedro Paterno, Hermogenes Ilagan, Severino Reyes whose works reveal patriotism and the resentment to American’s rule, the plans to overthrow it and uprising and freedom. In June 1902, Severino Reyes established the Gran Compania de Zarzuela Tagala which was responsible for the reforms that made native drama as delightful experience.

The era also showed an active audience as two kinds of plays appeared. The acted plays which were circulated in manuscript form and the published pieces which were printed in principal papers of Manila like El Renacimiento, La Patria, Grito del Pueblo, and Kapatid ng Bayan. Riggs called the published plays more than serial poems in dialog but plays full of anathema and hate fully expressed in execrating and cursing the American government thereby urging the people to exterminate the government and even the friars.

A Contemporary Philippine Theater. Theater in post-zarzuela period was mainly in English, written products of the educational system installed by the Americans in 1901, and performed principally in school and university setting. English plays were indications of the first attempts for Americans to influence the Philippine theater. Soon after, theaters began to distance itself from the mass majority; English-speaking urban and school communities became the major audiences. As American motion pictures thrive, the theater fought a losing battle as audiences began to lose interest in it. The Americans were somewhat successful in diffusing Western cultural standards throughout the country.

The Filipino theater only returned to its vernacular in the 1960s, although more contemporary in perception and techniques. The theater traveled a long way before it again touched the lives of many Filipinos. Also, only in the 1960s when scholars like Nicanor Tiongson, Doreen Fernandez and Isagani Cruz have started to investigate indigenous forms of Filipino drama and made cultural studies a legitimate academic discipline .

The foundation of Philippine Educational Theater Association or PETA in 1967 by Cecilia Guidote was the driving force behind the Philippine theater today. Fresh from studying in the West, she noted that the “national theater of the Philippines should embrace the capital, the cities, the towns and the barrios, of the islands and should be devoted primarily to the quest for a dramaturgy truly expressive of the Filipinos’ national culture.” The concept advocates a popular theater catering to all sectors of the society. This project of Guidote continued onwards with the Kalinangan Ensemble being the professional performing arm of PETA. The arm branched out to the communities, educational and industrial sectors and became not just an experimental theater but also a performing arts academy now known as the Central Institute of Theater Arts (CITAP), the country’s first and only theater academy as of 1989. In the 1970s, a network of people had been operating in the country with the objectives to counter the government-controlled culture and the rise of information media. Later 70s¸ actors and actresses were seen during marches and mass rallies performing to the street crowds as desire to overthrow Marcos dictator regime became more heated.

The objectives of PETA and the people behind it was one of the noblest acts in the history of theater arts. Behn Cervantes, an acclaimed dramatist and director affirmed that Philippine theater is for the audience. It must be and should not be the kind that travels and goes to the communities to perform, not just to entertain but to function as a factory of thought, a prompter of social conduct, an armor against despair and dullness and a trumpet of new philosophical, social religious and moral ideas.

As explained last issue, my concentration for the following two weeks will be on defining the roots of Philippine theater and how we have come up with what we now know as Philippine contemporary theater. As illustrated last week, the very form of theater we now have is the result of our experience as a people over centuries of struggle for freedom, hope and victory. Filipino art and drama in the pre-colonial setup, although not entirely known, was characterized by dances, rhythms and songs performed in remembrance of old rituals and traditions unique in the tribal communities. As for this week, forms of theater during the Spanish colonization will be further explained.

Spanish Conquest Era
Despite amateur, these dramatic plays and rituals attracted earlier Spanish missionaries during their visit in the island. The season of Spanish colonization enabled many other forms of theater to rise. Spanish conquistadores introduced a range of play-types, Iberian in origin and often Catholic in tendency to the archipelago. The religious plays and dramatizations (sinakulo, salubong, panunuluyan) and the komedyas (called Moro-Moro), puteje, and carillo were some of the fruit of Spanish influences in the theater art. On the one hand, Tagalog theaters include many adaptations of Spanish comedias and familiar Lenten stories or passion. One great example could be the cenakulo, in which Christ’s life before the Resurrection was portrayed and was performed approaching Holy Week in open fields and usually lasted several days and nights in succession but the play was often presented only at night. The panunuluyan was another type of drama presented every year during the Advent Season and dramatized Joseph and Mary’s search for a lodging on Christmas Eve.

To diffuse the literary culture among the natives, the most exalted work of the friars was the establishment of educational institutions in which theatrical presentations usually took place. The first play written by the Spaniards in Visayan dialect was staged in Bohol in 1609, in which actors and actresses were natives. A Jesuit named Jeronimo Perez had written in 1637, the first allegoric comedy of things, on the occasion of Genereal Corcuera’s conquest of Mindanao and was presented on July 5 of the same year. The next comedy was presented on January 1772 at Royal Palace of Manila.

On the other hand, unlike the religious plays like cenakulo and panunuluyan, the Moro-Moro was a little bit different. It was a kind of melodrama which according to Barrantes had its origin in a wild war dance executed by some four or six young Moros armed with gears to celebrate the baptism of their king Ali Mudin. Based on Spanish tales about heroic battles between Christian knights and Muslim Moors, the komedya was an action-filled play which contained a dose of romance and invariably ended in the defeat and baptism of the Moors. Moreover, corridos were legendary and religious poems which resemble the awits extravagant on foreign themes and were heavily interlarded with moralizing on Filipino people. The main theme of each story was usually the victory of Christians over the infidels with whom they have conflicts. Needless to say, these plays served as strategic vehicles of the Spanish missionaries to instruct, baptize natives and spread Christianity in the archipelago.

Before the middle of the 18^th century, there have been different kinds of comedies and dramatic presentations staged at various places in the country. The puteje was a dramatic presentation common among Chinese laborers in which characters were doll-like figures that appeared on the stage. Similarly, the carillo was a dramatic presentation in which characters consist of cardboard figures skillfully manipulated by persons who speak for the characters behind a white screen with a lighted lamp. The first carillo was presented in 1879; Navarro Peralta showed one on 1886 in Calle Magdalena and on 1893 on Calle Crespo. These were major entertainers during the times that no electricity was yet available. It was at this time that Filipinos began to experience seated as an audience in the dark as in a theater. During these times began to gain patrons, the elite and the commoner alike… “The well-heeled were brought by elegant carriages to teatro espanol while the others simply dressed, went on foot to teatro tagalo.” Sinibaldo de Mas, who was in Manila in 1841 witnessed how fond were the Filipinos in stage performances that some even had translated Spanish plays into the native tongue.

The formal buildings created for stage performances and other forms of public spectacles were an indication of the flourish of the theater arts. During the 1820s-1840s, only two theaters built in very light materials were recorded catering mainly to the indigenous inhabitants of Manila . At these times, Tondo primitive theater and Arroceros primitive theater already existed according to Juan Atayde. Although these theaters were built only for the Tagalog plays, occasionally Spanish plays were also presented there. From two, the theaters included to 26 from 1846 to 1896. According to history, 24 of the theaters were real structures adhoc for theater purposes dedicated for teatro espanol, tetaro tagalo or comedia clinica. Six of these were made of strong materials and devoted mainly to teatro espanol besides presentations of Italian opera, symphonies, concerts and on some rare occasions it became the setting of dramas and musical plays in English brought over by foreign theatrical companies. Built through power and proper financing, these theaters for the Spanish elite and upper social classes –– were characterized by elegance and strength. The teatro tagalo was erected in 1881 on Echague, Quiapo. Buenaventura’s study of theater in 50 years (between 1846-1896) saw that from 1887 towards the latter part of Spanish occupation, teatro Tagalog focused mainly on moro-moros, comedia fare and offered bilingual presentations and Spanish zarzuelas as well.

As other crowds began to notice the theater, the Chinese theatrical performances also tried to find for places where they could present their plays. Bonifacio traced the origin of Chinese theatrical performances in the Philippines, which started on 1866. On January 16, 1872, a Chinese opera dealing with the war between the Tartars and the Chinese was staged in Tondo Theater. However, the performance has failed to arouse sufficient interest among the Chinese audience because it was rendered in Mandarin Chinese which was not understood by the majority of the audience, who were largely Cantonese. In this stance, Chinese theater had no major influence on Filipino theater.

There were some instances in this period wherein the theater faced a number of problems. The lack of professional artists and problems on stage management was resolved by the coming in of fresh ideas in theater activity from Spanish artists and deportees. By the 1880s, improvements done in teatro espanol and Tagalog comedias – the backdrops and the sophistication of local talent and professionalism among them – were Spanish influenced. In the early decades of the period, principal roles and director’s posts for Spanish theater were filled by peninsulares and other imported foreign artists. By the 1880s, there was a turn, Philippine-born stage luminaries began to make their mark by filling principal roles creditably, winning popular acclaim, and securing their place in the hearts of the theater-going public. By 1896, there were enough professional actors and actresses for Spanish zarzuelas in Spanish and the usual moro-moro.

The period before the outbreak of Philippine revolution saw the development of the theater art in archipelago’s capital. Buenaventura notes that, “not only was there a proliferation of edifices and structures built solely for the theater purposes, but theater societies flourished as well. From the aficionado-type that they were in the 1840s and 1850s, theater and musical groups graduated into professional organizations with formal characters and by-laws.” Among the more notable ones were La Sociedad de Recreo, Liceo-Artistico-Lietrario de Manila, Union Artistica-Musical, Sociedad del Teatro Infantil de Dulumbayan and Compania Infantil de Trozo. The Union Artistica-Musical and the Liceo-Artisitic-Literatio were truly exceptional as the former counted a large membership and had for its main objectives the improvement of prefoseeional competence while the latter’s goal was to contribute to artistic education and the development of native talent. However, the Liceo experienced death as they faced divisions and lack of strong leadership among the organization.

The theater can be considered a life form in itself. Artists, directors and audience all gathered in what seemed to be a close encounter with life, in a sense that what is seen and heard in it has both the power and form to stimulate, transform or entertain a ceasing life.

With elements of the sound, lights, performances, the dances and the words in a staged theater combined altogether to create a perfect mix, the theater becomes the ‘expression of a nation’s soul’. It is not a kind of art but in it is a conglomeration of all the arts, one that is capable to stand and reflect a nation, a community or a people. A historian notes this to be a privilege to a theater artist who by “being aware of his ancestral roots and embracing the technology…humanism, as well as the serenity and spiritualism of his country” – serves in the sincere expression of the soul of a being or a nation.

Much more in the case of the Philippine theater that experienced the same birthing, yet understood its vicissitudes as it finds its place and identity in the rich Filipino culture through times. In this article, I will give a background on the existing literature on Philippine theater, tracing its history and forms, how it evolved to what it is now, and how authors and artists perceived the condition of the Philippine theater in our times today. I will target to answer this paper’s objectives by presenting the literature on Philippine theater historically – from the pre-colonial times, during the Spanish regime, came the American colonizers, to the contemporary theater. I will divide this paper into three parts, the first part of it I will expound now, the other two shall be elaborated on the next two weeks.

The roots of Filipino staging Not entirely known as theater, the dances, rhythms and songs performed in remembrance of old rituals and traditions unique in the tribal communities characterize the earlier forms of Filipino art and drama. Before the Western contacts, songs or awit along with verbal jousts in extemporaneous dodecasyllabic verses expressed in play-and-pretend situations were commonplace. Some of these were in the form of poetical contests in jests and riddles performed on the last day of burial like the duplo (also tibao) and the dalit, a passionate and eulogistic mourning prayer and an epic tale. Natives had drama/plays for the home such as sabalan, pananapatan and, karagatan, while others were intended for large crowds were found in rural communities like tagayan and pagbati, bayok bulaklakan, panyo palaran were found in rural communities (some even up to now).

As early as then, it did not give arts and drama a hard time to pave its way into the lives of the Filipinos. In fact, the unfolding of theater art founded solidly on the people’s inherent musicality and love of plays and spectacle. “The audiences chuckled at the comedian’s antics, reacted visibly to emotional scenes, and swayed to the rhythms of the tango and the can-can, all enjoying the show to the hilt”. A friar in one his letters attested that the audience not just watched actual presentations during feast of consequence but also the rehearsals. Even in the words of Rizal, he described the Filipino audience as a ‘deeply spectator of dramatic presentations’ who listens in silence to a song, gazes delighted at the dancing and mimicry and never hisses or applauds. When he finds the show interesting, he withdraws without disturbing the others and only at times when the actors embrace or kiss the actresses will he howl.

The speech below was the piece I delivered 6 times to 6 different crowds. This was in completion for Popo Tolentino’s undergraduate thesis. The speech was beautifully written by Rache de Guzman.

Whenever I am asked what school I am from, people are often impressed when I answer “U.P.” This question will be followed by another question about the course I am taking. I cannot help but notice the decreasing admiration in their “Ahh…” as I answer “Speech Communication”. The problem lies with the fact that not many are familiar with my course – Speech Communication. Truth be told, several people had already dissuaded me from pursuing this course – fearing that after four years of studying, I might end up finding no job at all. Today, I would like to invite each one of you to join me in exploring the career paths of a Speech communication major like me.

Rather than developing an in-depth expertise in just one area, a Speech communication major is expected to develop a broad array of skills that might be applied to any number of careers. Speech communication majors are trained to work in various fields such as communications, public relations, government and public service, sales, publishing, journalism, advertising, education, performing arts, and business. I would like to focus on four of the most prevailing careers in Speech communication today.

One of the possible careers a Speech communication graduate could work on is business communication. Business communication includes advertising, sales and marketing, public relations, and personnel relations. Strong communication skills in speaking and writing are essential in presenting a favorable image of the company you are working for, in persuading clients to accept a proposal, in employee-management mediation, and in communicating with the public.

Another career to decide on is management communication. Highly related with business communication, management communication is all about organizational communication. One may analyze how communication works to enhance the management of a company. He may also be in charge of many public relations jobs such as writing, speaking, and producing corporate communication materials. Furthermore, he may evaluate the communication of the company to see how it may improve the company’s image and/or profits. Positions exist with research and consulting firms, government, public relations firms, business associations, banks, and some large volunteer agencies.

Speech communication majors may also find career opportunities in media. This area encompasses a number of behind-the-scenes careers such as journalism, broadcasting sales, writing and management. Those who work in such areas gather information, interview people, attend events, examine public records, and do considerable research in putting together news items and stories. Although the fields of broadcasting, production and programming are highly specialized and they require specific training, we now see that many occupations in radio and TV exist for speech communication majors.

Last but not the least, there is also a career for Speech communication majors in teaching. The teaching of communication involves a wide range of possible subject areas as well as places where the subjects may be taught. Aspects of communication are taught in business, government, military services and institutions as well as in public and private schools.

Since communication skills are used in our everyday work – to make contact with people, to issue directions, to present ideas, to write letters, or to carry on all day-to-day activities, we could say that communicating effectively is a prerequisite for success in almost all careers as well as social situations.

The four career opportunities I have presented – business communication, management communication, media and teaching are only a few of the existing possibilities a Speech communication major may embark on. Speech communication is a field with broad adaptability, a field that can be utilized in many professions, and a field full of career opportunities. As we have explored the career paths a Speech communication graduate may walk on, I hope that I have impressed upon you that since communication ubiquitously exists, there is also a wide range of career opportunities awaiting those who specialize in it.

Many times I’ve asked myself what I would be, say ten, fifteen years from now. Will I be a career woman working on a company in my corporate suit? Will I see myself in the court defending my father’s case filed against him? Or will I be another count of our country’s high rate of unemployed citizens? Will I stay here in the Philippines for good or migrate abroad for greener pasture?

Everything is uncertain in this world. Because it is inevitable, living here on earth is uncertain too. And it has become even difficult because of the way we live it. Messy, isn’t it?

You watch television, what do you see? A drug addict who jumped off the building because he thought it felt like heaven. A theft killed by the police because of his attempt to murder an innocent child he hostaged. A newly born baby placed in a box left in front of the church, unidentified of who the irresponsible people did that. Jeepney drivers and operators raising the issue on the continuous increase on oil and gasoline, calling the government for immediate effective actions for this problem. Effects brought by the peso-dollar exchange rates. Foreign investors pulling off their investments in the Philippines one after another because of the threatening issues on war and terrorism; and a lot more. Still the list goes on…

You read a newspaper, listen to the radio, surf the net, and you’ll find out that what you got in these media are just those what you saw on T.V. You talk with people around and you hear the same problems and still unresolved problems.

Now, with all these too many tribulations, is there still a bright future that awaits me? Would I still continue to dream achieving my dreams, to struggle to achieve my goals in life? Or will my dreams and my generation’s dreams be just dreams forever?

I hope not. I’m dreaming not.

I call the people concerned, the ones responsible for taking charge of molding our lives ahead: please do your part, make your generation not a problem to ours. I understand that problems have already become part of us, but please don’t add up to all these anymore. Instead, let us all work together and be catalysts of change – a call, a protocol.

Permit me to speak to the deepest of my thoughts in my very words. I admit I am a no expert in this topic. Of what reasons that drive me to write regarding this notion I don’t know. All I have is my consciousness. To my fellow youth, this I speak: Our family loves us so dearly that they do everything in whatever ways they can just for our own good. They want us to live in our very comfortable ways amidst all the fickleness in life. Because they trust us, they gave us authority to whatever decisions we make. They share with us our joys if we make these decisions productive. If not even so, they are still willing to help us in however they can. They are even eager to carry all the burdens we experience, yet for our own cause. In other words, they gave us our freedom “ to choose how to live life, to live life to the fullest. But sometimes, we fail to recognize our family’s intentions brought by the kind of freedom they grant to us. At times, we become abusive to this liberty we have. How can I tell? Let us be aware on the issues around. See what’s happening to the youth. We are too involved on malefic crimes and unwonted concerns “ issues on drug addiction, pre-marital sex, teenage pregnancy, vices, and deception. These are some of the many clear manifestations of our irresponsibility. We thought we could handle these at our own risks. But is that what is happening? I don’t think so! A factor, however, that influences us to committing to these fruits of freedom is our exposure to the media. It cannot be denied that we have been so attached to the many possibilities of acquiring and learning these demoralizing acts. Peer pressure could also be one. Often times, we do atypical things for our companions because we want to please them even up to risking our whole self, without realizing the possible effects it may cause us. But haven’t we realized that no matter what we do, in whatever decisions we make, may it be influenced by peers or not, we still hold liable for ourselves? Why then we bait ourselves to the battle grounds of these fruits of freedom that bring-no-good to us? Why then we allow these disdainful things to affect and influence us to happen to us? Let us not allow ourselves to be victims of these irreverent transgressions. We must use our liberty over things, as entrusted to us by our elders, for our welfare “ to become productive, to become responsible youth. We should perceive freedom and independence commended to us by our parents as our strength to achieve our endeavors in life. After all, we don’t want to fail the expectations of our forefathers. I still believe in Rizal: the youth are the hope of tomorrow.

In grade school, you are given three strawberry Fruitellas and you fall in love. You tell your friends all about him after they avow their undying loyalty by carrying your secret to their graves. Your friends will never tell a soul that you are crushing on your seatmate. You invent the weirdest of codenames and smile at the mystery shrouding your crush’s identity. Everything about the guy is perfect. The way he walks or smiles and the way he insults or ignores you are just all so lovely.

In high school, if someone gives even the slightest hint about your crush, you burst into tears, believing that you no longer have a face to show. You fall in love with ruffled hairs and boyish grins. You flirt on your own discrete way. You toss your head and give out a slightly demure, slightly amused laugh, praying to the Lord that the guy you’re laughing with thinks you’re pretty. You fall in and out of love in a matter of confusing seconds. You crush on your adviser; on your classmate; the guy across you inside the jeep; your friend’s friend; an anime; and anyone who resembles your crush.

In college, you flirt outrageously. You no longer invent silly codenames. It seems all right to openly admire someone. If he or she thinks you have a crush on him or her, you are no longer bothered as long as he or she doesn’t start behaving conceitedly. Honesty is always the best policy. You now have the talent of spotting the hunk in a crowd. You see the crush ng bayan in the corridor, appreciate biceps and abs, and talk to the guy considered most popular in school. With those, you experience a rush of joy and excitement. But you forget all about it as you turn away and head to your next class. You try to fall in love. You try to crush on your prof, your classmate, the guy in the IKOT jeep, your friend’s friend, an anime, and anyone. But you just can’t seem to remember them when you wake up in the mornings. You fall in love. Then, out of love. And when you’re out of it, you try to get back in. Or the other person does. However, you realize there are people who are better off as friends. You know it’s still possible to give it a try again…in your next lifetime.

You try to fall in love. Though you know it’s pointless. At the back of your mind, you know that no matter how hard you try, the maturity of the heart that goes along with growing up is out of our control. When you imagine Fruitellas, ruffled hairs and boyish grins, you can only give a wistful smile to the absence of racing heartbeats.